Twilight

Yuck. For those lucky unacquainted people, here is the story,

Who is this guy? Ooh, he's cute. Why is he acting like this? Ooh, he's cute. Do I like him? Ooh, he's cute. Does he like me? Ooh, he's cute. Why does he like me? Why does he like me? Why does he like me? I'm so not cute, he's sooooooo cuuuuuuttttteeeeeee.

Bella Swann is the irritating protagonist, who trips about 5 times a page, which is supposed to let everyone relate to her. And she's obviously beautiful and shy and low on self confidence. Adorableness personified. And she has no life except Edward, before or after she meets him.

The author impresses me, though. Fantastically thought out. Now idiots who only ever read chicklit can think "Oh, we've read fantasy fiction, so that's fantasy fiction, no wonder people like fantasy fiction, now we will never read anything again because we have read such sophisticated, cool fantasy fiction". NO, a semblance of a plot in the last 50 pages is not fantasy fiction, sorry to dash your hopes.

Of the many plot loopholes, I cannot understand how some guy you've met two weeks before becomes so all-important that you are willing to give up everyone and everything you know for him. Even if he does look totally awesome, and have golden eyes and golden hair, and perfect white teeth and a gorgeous voice, and marble lips (Believe me, I know). And talking of his lips, call me an alien but kissing marble sounds utterly repulsive to me.

Also, Edward Cullen is an obsessed, over possessive, melodramatic, self important creepy stalker of a boyfriend. Ugh. Oh, and it has been medically proven that Bella's heartbeat stops when she kisses him. I'm still in awe of that.

For a funnier take on it, read this or that. Together, they almost made up for my having read this miserable excuse of a miserable excuse of fantasy fiction.

Seriously not worth the paper it's written on.